Hold onto the people who see into the depths of your soul and let go of those who stop at the surface and never take the chance really know you. Let go of the people who pretend to care about you fully when really they will never understand. Be thankful for those who grip onto your whole being and take the time to understand what's rooted within you. Don't let them go. They are hard to find and often appear when you least expect it. Cherish them and be happy to have met. Listen carefully and with intrigue and smile because you both share a secret bond that no one can comprehend from the outside looking in.

thank you for the note dear rachel.  by the way, you have swoon worthy handwriting.

20 things to do before 21

1. make an art wall
2. go to France
3. enter at least 2 art challenges
4. photograph bloomington
5. go to 5 concerts
6. read the bell jar and 3 other classic novels
7. take a spinning class
8. take a road trip with friends
9. have an art party
10. do an art collaboration
11. get a record player
12. host a dinner part
13. make pretty paper garland
14. complete another quilt
15. spend a night in the student union 
16. bake a rainbow cake
17. complete an entire journal
18. spend a day writing letters
19. attend a local film festival
20. go on a nerdy day trip

It's my birthday :)

 20

welcome to the next chapter

why oh why monday (warning: extremely vague mind dump)

"stay true to your values and integrity.  what goes around comes around."
(part of my horoscope today...usually i ignore them cause they are made up, but this one kinda hit me)

why am i turning into the person i do not like?  why am i stooping to levels below me?  why do i care what other people think...the people i do not care about?  why do i hold onto superficial relationships just so i can kill them with kindness or not burn a bridge?  why do my values change to accommodate other people?  doesn't that make me just as fake and superficial as those people?  i'm getting served a nice big slice of karma pie.  why do i choose to tamper with who i really am just to play the mind games...just to stir up trouble?  i am responsible for the mess i've created around me...i'm responsible for the bridges i have burned.  cutting ties seems so refreshing like i can move on, but i can never seem to detach them completely or all at once.  why must i hold onto things i choose to let go?

when did i lose myself?  little pieces of me chipped away over time.  things have changed...i can deny it all i want and it won't make any difference.  when did i fill all the crevices in my life with crap and things i have never valued?  the cracks are over flowing and washing out what used to be when i was in hs and didn't talk to anyone.  the time when no one noticed me and i locked myself up at night with paint and fabric and glitter and in most cases, sadness.  i wish i only knew then that i wasn't missing out.

my birthday is tomorrow...turning twenty.  i feel like i'm reversing in age.  i was always so mature growing up and now i'm just like everyone else...caring about the same stuff that will never matter.  someone get me out of here...just for a short time....just so i can go back to who i am instead of faking the happiness or having short spurts of completely disconnected reality.

cheers to a big mug of green tea.  early to bed early to rise.  the rain and the darkness are drowning me in my own thoughts.  cheers to building the good relationships and ridding myself of the all consuming and stressful ones.  cheers to motivation and cleaning out every corner of my technologically constructed reality.  give me a good book.  give me a pen and paper and some stamps.  maybe some cards and a board game.  cheers to deactivating, deleting, unsubscribing and unfollowing and anything else you can do to leave a social networking site.  since when do i meet someone in real life then have to friend and follow them in 5 different facets of non human interaction?  so tempted to delete my birthday from facebook and see who actually remembers it is my birthday and takes the time to call.  rather than "hey happy birthday" from someone i haven't spoken to in years or doesn't even say hi in passing.

i could go on and on with everything running through my head...this is really unorganized mind dumping.  i am tired and i think it's time to watch gossip girl then go to sleep.  doctor's orders.

monday quote

“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” - Audrey Hepburn Prepare yourselves for some major mind dumping soon. I've been thinking a lot. Happy Monday!

home sweet home

there is something special about coming home...no matter where you've been or how long you've been away.  it's comforting and time slows down.  college is great fun, don't get me wrong, but it's always nice to take a time out and be completely lazy, eat good food and reconnect with home for a week.  this break home was especially great because i brought home four of my international team mates to spend thanksgiving with my family and friends.  it's nice to share my home town with them...they are like family to me and having a full house for once was fun.  they fit right in like we've known each other all our lives.

we slept late and constantly grazed over a full kitchen of food.  we stayed up enjoying each other's company, disconnected from the world...no agenda, no rush.

coffee dates, birthday dinner, black friday shopping, dance parties, card games, a visit to the city.  now back to the daily grind for 3 more weeks then i'm home for a much needed long break.  so much to be thankful for.

monday: thankful for...

• home • road trips • puppy breath • home cooked meals • Christmas music • friends that are now family • parents • oversized sweatshirts • pomegranate juice • the sound of laughter coming from upstairs • falling asleep to John Mayer • break from classes

sunday: thankful for...

• sleeping in • nicki minaj to make it through an elliptical sesh • twitter • glitter • green tea • lazy days on the couch with the roomies and on demand • obscure new music • new nail colors • getting away

saturday: thankful for...

• tie dye pjs
• bottomless cups of coffee
• local eateries
• study buddies
• the black keys
• adorable coffee mugs
• dorm food
• clothing boutiques
• notes from friends
• happy crying
• indiana basketball

Friday: thankful for...

In the spirit of thanksgiving: •the strokes •the feeling of waking up and realizing its Friday •coffee •a room mate hug •marcel the shell •starbucks holiday cups  •cute boys in lecture halls •candles and John Mayer  •fresh sheets •naps

thursday quote

"Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It’s not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it’s when you’ve had everything to do, and you’ve done it."

-Margaret Thatcher

10 things i hate

1. gossip
2. gossip
3. gossip
4. gossip
5. gossip
6. gossip
7. gossip
8. gossip
9. gossip
10. gossip 

time to take out the trash.

fragments

New restaurant with cozy hipster appeal. A wall full of little notes and 
remnants comes together with well wishes, love and hope. Good music plays on 
the stereo and I feel warm and happy.  You know those moments when you want to 
cry cause it just feels right? I'm having one right now. Window sills full of 
trinkets. Human interaction. Smiles and laughter. All of the subtleties are just 
proofs of love. Proof that happiness is all around and when you don't feel it, 
you just aren't looking hard enough or you're turning a blind eye. I'm having a 
moment so give me a break if this seems emo-ish or completely obscure. I'm just 
having a ramble sesh. I guess I'll just end with a hug sounds great right about 
now.

tunesday: coldplay

coldplay is knocking my socks off this week.  i've had all their albums on shuffle as i cleaned and napped this weekend.  i want to get their new album so badly and my room mates and i have been talking about finding them in concert sometime in the near future.

i'm convinced that one of the first slow dances at my wedding (some day) will be "sparks".  that song gives me the chills!  it is eerily beautiful...enjoy!

saturday sophistication

 

saturday was full of sophistication.  i headed to the bloomington handmade market with this lovely lady, rachel.  we ooed and ahhed over swoon-worthy handmade items and lusted for crafty goodness.  there were some awesome vendors and i'll link up some favorites below.

later some team mates and i headed to our favorite coffee shop to study and sip bottomless cups of Guatemalan coffee and enjoy soothing music.  after we treated ourselves to a french dinner and felt so sophisticated in our nice outfits having a nice meal together.  it was a perfect saturday followed by the laziest sunday ever.  i cleaned today, did laundry and lounged around.  the roomies and i went to our favorite soup place for warm cups of zucchini pesto soup on this windy and gray sky day.  i must say i am enjoying our tennis off season now.  only 8 hours a week of practice/conditioning rather than 20.  tonight we are going to try a zumba class.  trying new things is going well for me.

i'm feeling very content with life right now.  this wintery weather makes me want to cuddle up with my own thoughts and realize how lucky i am to be surrounded by people i love and people who care about me.  they say college is the best years of your life...i can tell why: a whole lot of freedom and just enough responsibility.  i'm turning 20 in 16 days.  i think this early onset sense of sophistication is in anticipation of starting my 20s.  i'm kinda liking it.

looking forward to going home for thanksgiving break in a week.  four of my international team mates will be joining me at home.  it'll be a nice break from btown and great time spent with family and the new puppy.  i miss my home town and the cozy familiarity along the little downtown streets.  looking forward to home cooked meals, visits to my favorite restaurants and more lazy days.


hope you are all having a cozy sunday.  sunday night means meditation night in this house so i'm excited for that too :)

crafty love from the handmade market:
opposite of far: fox mask and hair bows
purple hippo stitches: funny cross stitch
katie vernon: illustration, adorable animal prints
megan winn: beautiful leather journals
courtney fischer: BEAUTIFUL unique jewelry
sara b jewelry: SWOON, the sand dollar ring is my fave

weekly goals

[i made this at 3am when i couldn't sleep]

• try new things
• use 15 minute windows to accomplish something
• exercise extra
• eat clean foods (limit processed foods)
• tidy up

last night some team mates and i tried a kickboxing/cardio class after practice.  it was so much fun and i completely felt like a bad ass.  we are going to try zumba and a hip hop class later this week.  i'm also trying to increase my productivity and when i find lulls in my day to upwards of 15 minutes.  i think i can never get anything done so i just browse on my phone or sit and stare.  i have found that i can accomlpish a lot in those 15 minutes.  i've started completing little bits of school work or putting away that pile of laundry that has been on my floor for a week. (oops)  my room mates and i have also created a calendar that we cross off for not eating sweets.  it helps to see how much i was indulging before.  i really want to be fit for tennis season in the spring and if it's one of my major goals i want to stick with it and hold myself accountable.  lists and crosses keep me in check.  i feel very satisfied with a big red marker.

happy saturday lovlies!  go out and try something new...you may fall in love with it.

thursday quote

Tunesday: Local Natives

listening to "who knows who cares" by local natives a TON.  it reminds me of the movie where the wild things are and i love its dreamy and hopeful undertones.

noteworthy tracks: wide eyes, airplane, sticky thread

instagram monday

today was a beautiful fall day on campus...busted out the sperry boots and a dress.  in other news, welcomed a new pup into the fam yesterday.  isn't she adorable?

tonight i ventured to a new coffee shop to write a paper for english and was also able to cross something off of my bucket list which was to try bubble tea.  it sounds like such a fun delicious treat, but i wasn't too sold.  i'm not even considering the fact that it's dangerous to drink because once those tapioca beads get stuck in your straw you're sure to choke yourself whilst over compensating on the following sip.

dreaming of over-sized sweaters, oxfords and pumpkin spiced lattes.  this morning i tried to pull off the whole tights-under-shorts look and i just wasn't gutsy enough to strut it.

happy monday :)

Sunday Quote

“The answer is never the answer. What’s really interesting is the mystery. If you seek the mystery instead of the answer, you’ll always be seeking. I’ve never seen anybody really find the answer. They think they have, so they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, evoke mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries bloom. The need for mystery is greater than the need for an answer.”
-Ken Kesey

Thursday Quote

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

 --ralph waldo emmerson                                            

hello november

please be good to me. here's to focus and determination. to new habits and motivation. to staying true to yourself and loving fully. to being unselfish. to turning 20. to discipline and extra work...charging to the finish line rather than staying afloat. to reading before bed and drinking green tea. to supporting friends who support in return.

november...the month to kick ass at everything. hello game face...six weeks left of the semester. let's go!

Tunesday: Bon Iver

Blowing up my ipod before bed this week: Bon Iver self titled album

Hit Track: "skinny love" by definition when two people are in love with eachother but are too shy to admit it. yet they show it

Noteworthy tracks: all of them "creature fear", "flume", "for emma"

Soundtrack to: reading before bed, being sad and thoughtful by choice, candle sessions