My heart is pounding in my head. I'm feeling too much and my mind is the steady pulse easing out the love and the pain into a distant yet familiar divide. Into the same abyss in which I eventually throw it all away...in this twisted pattern of inner peace and constant question. Making happiness complicated only to find myself unhappy. Forcing love where it isn't felt and ripping it apart where it truly exists. Pushing and pulling. A continuous ebb and flow between altered states of mind.
At some point life goes on. But when? When can life go on after loss? When can a sense of normalcy be felt? Closure? When does the cycle stop for me? When does that wall fall down to unpaved roads? Why do I feel this oddly familiar hurt?
The thing is, I expect it now. I plan for it almost. This one is on me. My heart is pounding in my head and my head is shifting gears to take over and drive it all home on those familiar back roads. The shorter the trip the better. Wake me up when we get there cause I've seen this view before.